Many of us like to write in Markdown when writing draft work. It allows you to work without complicated formatting but still apply styles such as bold or italic. This is done using tags like # to denote titles or surrounding phrases with * to denote bold, italic or bold italic.
Unfortunately, Affinity Publisher doesn’t (currently) support importing files in Markdown. However, it’s the work of a few minutes with search and replace and the correct terms. Here’s how to import Markdown and still keep all your styles.
1. Save your Markdown file as filename.txt.
(Publisher won’t import *.md). You can just rename it with a .txt extension in the file manager if you want..
2. Import into text frame.
Select an empty text frame, go File > Place… and select the file.
3. Get rid of double spaces.
Markdown uses double spaces to make a new paragraph, Publisher does that automatically. Go to Text > Find and in the dropdown with the magnifying glass, select Special Characters > Paragraph Break. Do this twice in Find and once in Replace, so that double spaces become single.
5. Set everything to Body.
This ensures that everything that doesn’t end up formatted with something else has a base paragraph style of “body”. Feel free to use a different base if you prefer. Sometimes text frames can be weird and set everything imported to the last style you used – this step prevents all your text being paragraph styled as Heading2 or similar.
Use Ctrl+Alt and then select “Body” in the Text Styles dialog.
5. Turn on Regular Expressions.
This is the magic you need to make our searches work. Go to the Settings Cog > and tick Regular Expression for both the Find and Replace inputs.
6. Replace Headings.
Markdown uses “# Text” to make Titles. The more # marks, the smaller the size of the title. So “### Title” will be a small Heading 3, and “# Title” will be a large Heading 1. Replacing in reverse order with #### tags before ### will prevent high level tags being picked up and classed as the lower tag with a “#” in the free text.
Find “\#\#\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 4. This will find the “#### ” (the /s picks up the space between the letters), and change the style whilst deleting the hash marks:
Do the same with the other tags in the order below:
Find “\#\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 3.
Find “\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 2.
Find “\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 1.
All your Titles should have appeared now like so:
8. ReplaceBold & Italics.
Our regular expression this time will search for asterisks * and select the text between them. Again, do this in reverse order to catch *** first, then **, then *:
Find “\*\*\*([^\s].+?)\*\*\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Strong Emphasis.
Do the same for Bold and Italic:
Find “\*\*([^\s].+?)\*\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Strong.
Find “\*([^\s].+?)\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Emphasis.
It should now look like this:
8. Replace Bullets.
You’ll need to repeat this for every level of bullets you have, from *** to *.
Find “^\*\*\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 3
Do the same for Bullet 2 and Bullet 1
Find “^\*\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 2
Find “^\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 1
9. Replace Numbers
Numbered lists in markdown are done manually rather than automatically. Hunting for them involves searching for a number and a fullstop at the start of a line – so it might break things if that has been done at the start of a line but not actually intentionally in a numbered list.
Find “^[\d]+\.\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Numbered 1.
Finished!
That’s all for now! At some point I’ll make some kind of macro to do it automatically, but there isn’t capacity in Publisher for this at the moment. Shout out to Regexr – a live Regex playground which helped me understand Regex for the first time in a decade of using it – for helping me put this together!
The above, step by step, takes about two minutes. I’ve included it below again without explanation so you can just whizz through it;
Set everything to “body”
Get rid of double spaces. Go to Text > Find and in the dropdown with the magnifying glass, select Special Characters > Paragraph Break. Do this twice in Find and once in Replace, so that double spaces become single.
Turn on Regular Expressions. This is the magic you need to make our searches work. Go to the Settings Cog > and tick Regular Expression for both the Find and Replace inputs.
Find “\#\#\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 4.
Find “\#\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 3.
Find “\#\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 2.
Find “\#\s” and replace with “$1” and set Formatting > Paragraph Style > Heading 1.
Find “\*\*\*([^\s].+?)\*\*\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Strong Emphasis.
Find “\*\*([^\s].+?)\*\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Strong.
Find “\*([^\s].+?)\*” and replace with “$1” and Format > Character Style > Emphasis.
Find “^\*\*\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 3
Find “^\*\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 2
Find “^\*\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Bullet 1
Find “^[\d]+\.\s(.*$)” and replace with “$1” and Format > Paragraph Style > Numbered 1.
Producing a podcast is often a fairly simple thing to do, but I used to have issues with them being much too quiet. Here are my tips and techniques for doing it well. I use Reaper in the examples below, but any DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) suite will have similar processes and features…
Enjoy this post? Check out the podcasts I run over at the Beyond Cataclysm micro-publisher…
This Book I Read… is a sort-of-book-review podcast, featuring interviews with authors about their own work, and a book that has stuck with them, for good – or bad – reasons…
What Is Roleplay? is a beginner friendly look at the world of roleplay games, and the exciting world of fun, friendship and imagination they entail.
Normalising Tracks
Example of a clipped sound file from Wikipedia (by Gutten på Hemsen, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons)
This is always a sensible step to take, even before you do any editing.
What this does is makes the entire clip as loud as possible, without it clipping. Clipping is where the digital soundwave gets too big, and gets chopped off, which can sound distorted or broken.
That’s just good for working more clearly with the audio you can see, as the preview will be nice and full, and should mean that all speaking tracks are roughly the same volume as each other which helps when balancing them with each other as you edit and then finalise your mix.
1. Select all the sections of your recording (Select all items in a track by double clicking the Track Control Panel on an empty bit – go to FX, go down and double click the empty grey just under it. Then, Right click any segment > Item processing > Normalize items.
2. This brings up a dialog box with some options.
3. Peaking at -2db just gives you a little bit of head room – if you peak at 0db, it will hit absolutely maximum volume, any effects you add or fiddling that makes it louder will cause it to distort.
4. You definitely want Normalize items together (common gain), otherwise every segment will be adjusted to different values and will be very uneven.
Compression
Compression, for those who don’t know, squashes every piece of sound above a certain level, by a ratio. What that does is it reduces the difference between loud and quiet. A sudden laugh, rather than being twice as loud as talking, ends up 50% louder, for example, which is more comfortable and less jarring to listen to.
Setting up basic compression on a track is pretty easy.
1. Click “FX” in the Track Control Panel, and a dialog will appear:
2. Select ReaComp, and you have a scary set of dials. Don’t stress. You really only need two of them at a basic level.
Threshold is the volume above which the compression kicks in
Ratio is how much it squashes audio above the threshold
3. Press play on your audio, and the threshold will fill with green. Drag the marker to just above where it gets to during quiet talking.
4. The idea is that only louder talking/shouting/laughing gets compressed. I would set the ratio at around 2, to have a mild but useful effect. Going much above 4 can make things sound very sudden and flat.
5. Below you can see one that I set up, with the red guage showing how much the compression is kicking in.
6. (Pro tip, you can always set up multiple compressions, with a second one with a higher threshold and higher ratio, so that the really loud sounds get squashed even more. I do that in the next section.)
Master Effects
Once I’ve basically finished editing, and compressed and EQ’d my individual tracks, I’m ready to export. Before I can do that though, I set up the following effects on the Master track:
ReaEQ
ReaComp
ReaComp
ReaLimit
Loudness Meter
1. My EQ is set as a High Pass Filter. Basically it allows high frequencies through, but, in this case, cuts off anything much below 50Hz. Humans can’t hear below 20Hz, and it can cause earbud speakers trouble, and muddy the sound between different voices and various problems. There’s no downside to putting one on, and often a few benefits.
2. I then set two Compressions, one with a 2.0 ratio and one with 4.0 ratio , with the 2.0 coming on with loud talking, and the 4.0 just rarely stepping in on very loud bits.
3. A Limiter (I use ReaLimit) is like an UberCompressor – it boosts the volume to a level, but also guards it firmly – anything that crosses the line is squashed like a pancake; hence the term “Brickwall”. The reason for this is that it’s better to have ‘flattened’ sounding volume peaks to ones that are distorted and clipped. Clipping is a big risk because we are boosting the volume as we adjust the threshold.
4. I set it with a Brickwall of -0.3, giving just a tiny bit of room above it, and a Threshold (the amount it boosts the volume by) to a point where the limit is only reached very occasionally, like the screenshot below. You need to press play and just watch a bit for that.
5. Finally, the Loudness Meter gives a guage of how loud your recording is ending up at.
6. All the podcast providers recommend different volumes – around a LUTS value of 14 to 16. Ours here is -12.5, which is a smidge too loud, but tells us we aren’t miles off course – But we will be adjusting it in our export anyway, as we export…
Exporting
1. Go to File > Render, and you get another weird dialog box.
2. The important bit here is Normalize/Limit…
3. Set the LUFS-I value to -14, which should keep most podcast platforms happy, and you are good to go!
4. (Here’s the final render dialog, which shows it finished the job at exactly -14.0)
Ever wondered who would win out between the Babylonians and the Huns? The Romans and the Ancient Egyptians? Dominations: Road to Civilisation lets you find out.
It’s a tight-yet-sprawling game that gives 2-4 players the opportunity to take control of a simple tribe and spin them up into a great Nation. Players compete on a central geographic board, placing triangular dominoes, planning out competing Mastery Card technology trees and battling to build classic architectural Wonders of legend. Even as these challenges consume your concentration you also have to focus on fulfilling individual objectives and winning out on the highly important Influence tracker.
If the convoluted paragraph above makes Dominations sound like a meaty beast, that’s because it is. Playtime on the box is 80-160 minutes, which is… not true. I’ve played it multiple times now, at counts from 2-4 players, and it’s reliably landed at 3-4 hours each time. That’s not a criticism – sometimes what you really want is a medium-heavy Eurogame, full of crunchy decisions and with just enough player interactions to keep you constantly alert. In those moments? Dominations is absolutely the game for you.
Each game is split into 3 Ages, with 5 turns in each. That gives a measured pace to each playthrough, and keeps planning painfully tight. The core of the game is actually relatively simple: score your objectives. The steps to achieving that form the framework for success, but involve prethought from the very first moments. As an example, with just 15 turns, the objective “Own 11 cities” means that you need to build a city during all but 4 of your building phases. Get into Act 2 without considering your objectives, and you might as well not have started.
The key, as with many of the titles in this genre, is to make your actions work for you as much as possible, achieving one, two or even three of the mini-milestones that pave the way to victory. Mastery cards stack, potentially one earning you bonus green Knowledge whilst another reduces how much green Knowledge is needed to buy green cards. The long game is everything; building Influence pays out nothing immediately, but gives a bonus card and Victory Points at the end of each Age. Decisions, decisions!
The worst moments of Dominations are those when you can’t quite pull all the threads together, when the options available to you don’t feel particularly useful or efficient. At those times there’s a feeling of everything slipping through your fingers, especially as you observe your opponents chaining together mastery cards, or gaining knowledge points off the back of your own hard-earned city growth. However, with little randomness here, it is almost always your own fault for landing in that position – a (painful) learning point for future plays.
Bonus credit to creators Holy Grail Games for possibly the best included game organisers we’ve ever seen in a game; this is a rare 4 hour game that can be set up in 4 minutes rather than 40. On the downside, almost all the included Kickstarter exclusive mini-expansions were either totally forgettable or so unbalanced as to break the game; we would recommend you mostly ignore their existence. (NB. There are several full release expansions available too, Dynasties, Hegemon, Provinces & Silk Road, which we haven’t played yet, but suspect will be much better balanced).
A final way that Dominations excels is in the scale up to four players; neither play length or complexity are badly affected. The nature of complex, specific games is that there is always a risk of analysis paralysis; but the brain challenge is at a level that the information is calculable without causing catatonia, and it’s rare that other players will hinder your planning. This means that most thought can happen before your turn, keeping the game ticking at a reasonable rate regardless of player count.
Chris Lowry
PLAY IT? MUST PLAY
Dominations is one of the best titles we’ve played this year. It’s always a good sign when you finish a 3 hour game and immediately want to play it again. Balancing all the components of the puzzle is extremely satisfying, but impossible to perfect; the joy here is found in repeated play.
TRY THIS IF YOU liked Agricola…
…Euro classic Agricola shares a clearly measured paucity of turns, but also involves aggressive blocking of actions by other players. With much less opportunity for malicious interactions, Dominations is clearly competitive, but less likely to make you hate your opponents. Such a deliciously fast setup time is the cherry on the cake.
I started training for this marathon in January 2020. I’m FINALLY running it in October 2022.
I’ve done 429 hours (18 days!!) of practice runs, covering 4,363km during that time. (About the same distance as running to Nigeria).
On our recent family holiday to Disneyland, I ran every day, for around an hour, on the boring ring-road around the resort. (This was still better than actual Disneyland).
There have been bleeding nipples, chafed thighs and utter physical exhaustion. On some of the 3 and 4 hour training runs I had to be alone, with no one to talk to, for 4 hours. Can you imagine the pain this causes an extrovert?
Help out a bit
All money donated helps children in the developing world through a charity Chris and Katherine helped set up many years ago: Names Not Numbers Charity.
They provide orphans and vulnerable children with food, shelter, medication and love. Its worth it.
Did you get me a birthday present this year? Thought not. Now’s your chance.
That’s right. Much of 2021 involved writing and illustrating “The Die Decides“, and releasing it on the wonderful Beyond Cataclysm publishing house. You can buy it here…
Intriguing.
A book you say?
Why, tell me more…
What if the course of an entire book was decided by rolling a ten sided die?
Journey with author CM Lowry as he seeks to find out, with this vibrant collection of pin-sharp, bitesize stories.
Feast on fiction as he takes you from satire to sci-fi, from robots to revolutions, from historical drama to horror – and more, in thirty three portions.
Every tale is tailored to a theme and length determined by the roll of The Die, and each piece has been individually illustrated, bringing the many worlds of CM Lowry into life.
Read on, for a multitude of adventures, and together, let’s find out what The Die Decides…
I’m a big fan of fantasy sport boardgames. I’ve made my own custom board for Blitz Bowl, I’ve painted up 6+ Blood Bowl teams and I got my son Mantic’s Dreadball for Christmas. In fact, there’s one interesting link between all three of those games: James Hewitt of Needy Cat games has been heavily involved in all of them.
So when I heard that he’d made a new alternate reality sports board game with Blacklist Games? Well, my interest was piqued.
Fantasy sports with loads of miniatures. You get 5 double-teams, big enough for 10 teams in Myth & Goal, or you can use the models for full Blood Bowl teams too. Gameplay-wise its shorter, less swingy and more tactical than Blood Bowl, but more crunchy than Blitz Bowl.
The campaign is going pretty decently, at 172% funded so far, with lots of extra unlocked stretch goals, including a Dwarf riding some kind of Murder Ram – which I’ve very happy with as it will make an excellent proxy model for the insanely expensive GW Dwarf Deathroller (At £48, its the cost of two Blood Bowl teams, and is 60% of the cost of the Myth & Goal box, which contains 87 miniatures… and an entire game!).
What’s it play like?
One thing that has changed a lot since I last bought a big game on Kickstarter is the widespread use of Tabletop Simulator. Thanks to that, I was able to load up a virtual demo game of Myth & Goal, and spend an enjoyable evening hammering it out with my pal James.
Our game of Myth & Goal on Tabletop Simulator
Following that time spent, I have some thoughts:
Granular control
Unlike similar games I’ve played, there is a unique level of focus on tactics as a team and unique states for each individual player on the pitch. Player types generally share a skill, but quickly are differentiated by their Fatigue and Infractions; Shaggura on the left will be exhausted by a single further action, whereas Rutgrot risks a penalty if the coach rolls an infraction on the Gambit die.
On top of this, Tactics cards will synergise with player Special Rules and Team Focus cards. This means your squad is much more granular than in other games, and yet, by only having five on the pitch, totally within your ability to mentally grasp and strategize with.
Understanding balance is hard on a single play, but a quick look through the deck shows that a stronger Team Focus card generally unlocks weaker Tactics cards and vice versa.
Interesting decisions
I love the Infractions and Fatigue rules (as they play, anyway, as they could be more clearly explained in the draft rulebook). You never consider, in Blitz Bowl, the idea that a player might be knackered from doing all the work whilst everyone else just stands around. Or in Blood Bowl, the idea that a player might catch the eye of the ref and be progressively more likely to be sent off.
Fatigue immediately makes itself known; its a limitation of actions before your player becomes exhausted and loses their Special Rule. Bridgitte above is at her maximum fatigue – if she takes one more than the orange 3 on her card, she will flip to the exhausted side like Lars. It feels tight-but-right, constantly limiting your options and making difficult decisions the order of the day.
Infractions are perfect, the push-your-luck element that gets adrenaline pumping. You can add a Gambit die to any roll, increasing your chance at success, but with a risk of rolling an Infraction. One gets you a warning, two a penalty, three a permanent sending off of the player. At first, both James and myself felt like the Gambit die didn’t work, it was too easy, you might as well use it on every single roll. And then we rolled an Infraction. And another one. And then suddenly, the Gambit die felt like an addictive precious resource. It might give you the edge in a strongly opposed action; or it might lose you a player. Very quickly, every use of the Gambit is an interesting decision all by itself.
Scoring options
I’ve played a lot of Blitz Bowl recently – mostly because its so much shorter than Blood Bowl. One of the interesting aspects is that game scoring touchdowns is actually less important than scoring Challenge Cards; for things like successful passes, particularly effective tackles, running with the ball. Initially I found myself missing these additional Challenge Cards points, but I think the scoring options are broad enough to be interesting in Myth & Goal.
You can score two points with a Score On Goal – basically throwing a ball through the hoop – or 5 points with a Breach the Bastion – somewhat like a traditional touchdown in a more limited space. Already this provides two very different approaches, and its layered with the fact that play doesn’t stop – the ball is immediately released in the Gate of the player that was just scored against. In effect this means that you have to be very careful when scoring that you don’t leave yourself open for an immediate counterattack.
The tightness of actions makes it even more interesting – unlike Blood Bowl, you don’t have options for your whole team to set up a careful defensive line and connect an attack, nor do you have the post-touchdown reset to prep yourself. It keeps things fast and tight.
Overall
I’m excited about Myth & Goal.
It seems reasonable to say that you can feel James Hewitt under the hood here; for example I see a lot of ideas from Blitz Bowl coming through – the score board is basically identical, the lack of reset post-goal is very familiar – but Myth & Goal is definitely its own game. I’m looking forwards to playing it and I am confident it will be providing tons of tight, interesting, fun decisions.
The Kickstarter also looks to be insanely good value, frankly for the models alone. If you play Blood Bowl or Blitz Bowl, you are getting Dwarf, Orc, Human, Elf and Lizardman teams for those games too – plus Star Players and it looks like a Rats team will also be fully unlocked – and you are getting an extremely interesting game in its own right! One of the things I love about Blitz Bowl is that it uses models you already have. This does more of the same, and I’m sure there will be unofficial team and player cards for other common teams after it drops.
This week my lovely wife and I took a our first ever trip to Edinburgh. Alongside running up Arthur’s Seat every day, I had a goal: to find the best coffee shop in the city!
We relied on an incredibly well thought-out methodology. It included:
Vaguely looking at some lists and reviews online.
Typing “coffee” into Google Maps a few times.
Wandering into any Café that seemed nice as we ambled round the city.
Drinking lots of coffee.
Coffee Shop Reviews
We were there for 3 days, so obviously we didn’t actually compile an exhaustive review of every coffee house in the city, but we did our best! Keep scrolling down to read a review of each coffee shop in the order we visited them, or you can click below to read them by their overall score.
Fortuna was the first café we visited, having just stumbled off a 3 hour train from Warrington. After a bag laden hour, wandering the streets of the New Town, we were in need of sustenance and a sit down.
Walking into Fortuna (via some decidedly non-accessible steps) you are met with a welcoming ambience. The music was a perfect volume to chat without worrying about being overheard. Mostly bluesy instrumental stuff, but a long way from elevator jazz.
We sat by a cosy little window booth, which – cuteness aside – Katherine found “less comfortable than the train”. The service was prompt and polite, if not overwhelmingly friendly.
Katherine had excellent, strong tea, with tea leaves in a pot. My coffee was delicious, with rich, complex tones in a sensibly sized cup (so you can actually taste the coffee). Good foam art too. My only criticism would be of a slight bitterness that might put off the non-coffee-converts.
We also had some food, which was delicious, and also more than a little on the pricey side. Scrambled egg on a single piece of toast for £5.50 – mine also had avocado for £8. The cakes looked a little “bought in”, but still had a good range and looked appetising.
The WiFi was easily available, with a visible password next to the counter, and a downspeed of 53 Mbit, upspeed of 43Mbit (!) – good enough to do anything you could possibly want. A few sockets were scattered around too. All in all, I could definitely see myself managing a morning drinking lovely coffee and getting some writing done here.
Fortuna Coffee Bar Scorecard
Drink
Really good coffee and nice tea. 4.5/5
Food
Delicious savoury food and good range of cakes. 4/5
Ambience
A nice setting. Shame about the pretty-but-uncomfortable window seats. 3.5/5
Price
Most expensive cafe we visited: two drinks + two eggs on toast for £18.50. 2/5
Overall
A nice cafe, with great coffee. May be cheaper to eat lunch before you visit… 3.5/5
Our next coffee stop was on Cockburn Street. It was instantly clear that we’d found the hipster heart of Edinburgh, with several million boutique coffee shops, an analog still photography studio, and enough beards to braid an organic collar for your cockapoo. As we strolled down the steep cobbles, Southern Cross caught our eye, and ushered us inside
Immediately upon walking in there was a totally different vibe to Fortuna. Much visually busier, bustling and louder, it felt like a place you could be noisy with friends. The music was punchy with a folky latin flavour, enough to set a tone, but still not enough to be disruptive.
The cakes immediately caught my eye, and we ordered some drinks, fries and cake. Everything came very quickly, although actually placing our order took five different episodes of eye contact with the waiter. We also asked if we could sit upstairs, but were told we had to sit downstairs as it was too much effort to carry drinks up there, apparently?
There are a mix of interesting seating areas, including outside, a mezzanine upper floor and a basement. It’s warm and cosy, although a little dark, possibly a bit cramped in places. For laptop users there were a few sockets around, and WiFi was faster down than up (90 Mbit down, 0.9 Mbit up), which is great for downloading, but might cause you some issues sending video in a webchat.
My coffee was smooth and very drinkable. Not particularly dramatic, but sometimes that’s what you want. I would use this sort of taste as a starting point for someone unsure about coffee. The foam art was a bit sloppy – although still better than I can manage – and let’s face it, its the flavour that matters.
The cake, however? We tried two, and both were disappointing. A bit dry, not enough sweetness or flavour going on. As Katherine worded it “Looked the part, didn’t taste it”.
We didn’t feel particularly satisfied by our experience – maybe if we’d been allowed to sit upstairs – but it definitely wasn’t terrible. I think I was disappointed to have expended so many calories on cake that wasn’t yummy.
Southern Cross Cafe Scorecard
Drink
Smooth, drinkable coffee, not much complexity. 4/5
Food
Fast service, nice fries, but the cakes let the side down. 2.5/5
Ambience
Eclectic and inviting. But maybe let punters sit where they want to sit? 3/5
Price
Two drinks + two cakes + chips for £17. Not terrible. 3.5/5
Overall
An interesting setting, with easy to drink coffee, but we didn’t love it here. 3.3/5
On day two of our trip, we took a long guided bus ride round the coastal perimeter of the city. We stopped off to see the Britannia Yacht, which thankfully was closed (boring old boats are boring), and made our way back through The Shore, which I’d heard was a fairly chic part of town.
We didn’t find quite as many artisan cafés as I’d hoped there, but it was a gloriously sunny day by the water, so we popped into pretty little Café Truva. With a scattering of tables outside, extremely clean windows (Katherine noticed this, not me, obviously) and a lovely view of the river, it seemed a great choice.
It has a genuinely Turkish atmosphere inside, with Turkish pastries and a traditional Ottoman sand coffee machine. They also have a proper espresso machine, for those of us who prefer coffee less akin to burnt treacle in its consistency and flavour.
Even so, my cappuccino was intense and pretty bitter, rather than rich and complex. I suspect they use the same ultra strong blend for everything. The milk was also froth rather than microfoam. It was definitely not the best cup of char I had during our time in Scotland! Katherine’s tea was nice.
The food was fairly basic, and not even particularly cheap. More of a greasy spoon level of food, rather than riverside bistro. My halloumi bap was in a supermarket bap, and Katherine’s eggs were undercooked. Value-wise, given the quality, it was overpriced.
They did have WiFi, with a downspeed of 12 Mbit and upspeed of 9Mbit. Not rocket fuel, but acceptable – no sockets though.
Despite the negatives, they were friendly, smiled and made us feel welcome. My chair was comfortable, the view outside was beautiful, and the whole vibe was peaceful. I’m not a total coffee snob – I’d rather have adequate coffee in a nice place than amazing coffee in a miserable setting.
All in all, we enjoyed our brief stay here, and I could definitely see it as an inspirational place to write.
Café Truva Scorecard
Drink
Bitter coffee, over-aerated milk. Not barista quality. Tea was fine. 2.5/5
Food
Simple tastes, inadequately executed. 2/5
Ambience
A friendly, thematic riverside retreat. 5/5
Price
Two drinks + two savoury choices for £17. Didn’t reflect the quality. 3/5
Overall
We appreciated the setting more than the refreshments. 3.1/5
On our way back to the centre, we found ourselves walking along the interminably long Leith Walk – which is a straight road several miles long. It was a hot day, our bag was heavy, we hadn’t slept well thanks to our horror show of an Airbnb… we needed perking up.
A quick scan of Google Maps and my general research into good coffee points led us to OQO. With a perky sign over the door “Your Coffee Nook”, it provided us a retreat from the road works and unseasonable sun – seriously, we are in Scotland, why do I need suntan lotion?!
The owner was friendly, chatty and non intrusive. I effortlessly fell into the best café conversation I had in Edinburgh, talking about dialling in shots, and tasting the espresso at the beginning, middle and end of a pull to see the different tones. Fun (ie. Katherine rolling her eyes) stuff.
The cafe itself is small but varied, with a cosy outside, comfortable inside and a rear room for those wanting to chill with a laptop all day. It was the only place with non conventional (ie. reclaimed-wood-brass-piping-hipster) seating that was actually comfortable, so that was a plus. Non-irritating gentle volumed world jazz was playing whilst we were there.
The middle room actually has a laptop “ban”, which would be annoying if it weren’t for the dedicated work space out back (with loads of sockets!). The WiFi was fine, with 13 Mbit down and only 0.5Mbit up. To be fair on OQO, everywhere else I tested there were no laptops, whereas they had about 5 other people in the work area at the time. Still, that upload speed should still be enough for very nearly all your needs.
And then, finally, we get onto the coffee. The coffee was the best coffee I had in Edinburgh. Light, but rich and interesting. A good foretaste, not bitter, with the best foam art I got in Edinburgh too. Katherine said her tea was nice, if not exceptional. Let’s face it though, tea doesn’t matter – not when the coffee is this good!
We didn’t have food, but the sandwiches looked simple-yet-interesting and were well priced, and the cake appeared inviting.
If we had been there longer I would definitely have visited again. As it is, I will have to return next time I’m in Auld Reekie.
OQO Scorecard
Drink
The best coffee in Edinburgh? Certainly was that week. 5/5
Food
We didn’t try the food, so haven’t given a rating. Suspect it was heading for a 4/5.
Ambience
Comfy, uses the space well. It would feel cramped if full. Has a laptop section! 4/5
Price
We had two drinks for £8. Toasted sandwiches for £4. Reasonable. 4/5
Overall
I’m keen to return, even for the coffee alone! 4.3/5
Our final day involved trips to the National Museum of Scotland and Edinburgh Castle, so we concentrated our café search on the Old Town. As we vaguely hunted for souvenirs/bribes-for-the-grandparents-so-they-agree-to-look-after-the-children-for-a-week-again, we wandered past Deacon’s House.
The site was established in 1788 as a workshop for the Brodie family, one of whom – “Deacon Brodie” – ended up being hung for housebreaking, crimes he often committed using the tools from his workshop. There’s bits of story all around the walls, if you are interested in such things.
The first thing I noticed was an irritatingly glib sign on the wall announcing “We Do Not Have Wifi, We Talk To Each Other!”. Which would be all very well, unless, say, you came to a café to work. Or on your own. Or have anxiety or autism or whatever. Don’t worry though, you can always use your phone as a hotspot. Unless its a 250 year old building with metre thick walls, in which case you’ll have no signal and you can just sit there in silence… No sockets either, but there is a hook on the ceiling for a gas lantern, so, you know, that’s something.
Inside its a little gloomy, although quite spacious – I suspect they’ve taken out some tables for covid – with the extremely old school decor you would expect from a building revelling in its historicity. My chair was a bit hard, and it was the only place I struggled to take photos because of the lighting.
Despite my readiness to dislike this place, it won us over on nearly everything else! The cakes were incredible, the best we had in Edinburgh, with a pistachio orange slice so moist and fragrant I’ve emailed them for the recipe. The tea was the best Katherine tasted in town.
Even the cappuccino had decent foam art, which I wasn’t expecting! The coffee itself was very mild and a bit watery – I let Katherine taste it, and she liked it (she doesn’t like coffee) – so its inoffensive enough to be good coffee for people who don’t like coffee.
It was cheaper than most places, and friendly enough, despite the twee signage. I had expected it to be a one trick “look we are a museum and a café!” and they surprised me with great cake and good drinks. Worth a visit for the cakes!
Deacon’s House Café Scorecard
Drink
Nice tea and adequate coffee. Your nan would love it. 3.5/5
Food
Mouthwatering cakes? Yes please! 5/5
Ambience
A bit gloomy with hard chairs, but there’s a history lesson in it for you… 3/5
Price
Two drinks and two cakes £12. Pretty good. 4/5
Overall
Pleasantly surprised. Might be the best value on the Royal Mile! 3.9/5
Our last café needed to be near the station, so we could catch our train. This took us back to Cockburn Street – yes, the same irritatingly hipster road I mentioned in the Southern Cross review. The Milkman is so cool it has two coffee shops here; one at either end of the street! This surely costs them loads extra in staffing and rent, but its definitely unique.
To win the prize at hipster coffee shop bingo, you need to look for:
Uncomfortable seats made out of chipboard and reclaimed wood.
Prices without decimals or currency markers: £3.80 becomes 3.8.
Liberal use of Helvetica, like they think they invented it.
Punters with inconvenient looking facial hair.
Fast WiFi.
Great coffee.
We didn’t get to shout “Bingo!” at the Milkman, but only because we didn’t see any beards. We got everything else. I struggled to sit and read my book because my back wasn’t the same shape as the bare brick I was leaning against. Prices on the board (in Helvetica) lacked currency or extraneous zeros. The WiFi was the fastest internet I have ever used, with a download speed of 390Mbit(!!) and upload of 50Mbit. You could download a 1Gb HD film in 30 seconds. Insane.
And the coffee was excellent.
My cappuccino was very smooth, as easy to drink as at Southern Cross, but a bit more nuanced; there were hints of complexity at the edges of each mouthful. Katherine had a mocha and didn’t like it very much, because it was very rich, and ultimately she doesn’t like the taste of coffee very much. I enjoyed it! Milkman only lose half a point for the slightly lacking foam art.
The atmosphere was nice enough, with the expected disaffected indie playing in the background, at a thankfully ignorable volume. The server was single-handed and busy when we arrived, but she was very apologetic and tried to give us free stamps to say sorry. The WiFi was the fastest internet I have ever used, with a download speed of 390Mbit(!!) and upload of 50Mbit. You could download a 1Gb HD film in 30 seconds. Insane.
The cakes were very nice, subtle but strong in flavour. I had a caramel slice with the top layer of chocolate the same consistency as the caramel. Different but enjoyable.
I can see why these guys are so popular. It’s where I would go to have a grown up coffee and catch up with a friend, but I might also prefer somewhere with, you know, chairs.
The Milkman Scorecard
Drink
Excellent coffee, would have been a 5 with better presentation. 4.5/5
Food
Tasty cakes, although a lack of other food options. 4/5
Ambience
Very nice, but my backache-after-20-minutes lost you a point. 4/5
Price
Two drinks and two cakes £12. Happy with that. 4/5
Overall
Two for the price of one on the same road. Well worth a visit. 4.1/5
I started training for this marathon in January 2020. I’m FINALLY running it in October 2022. 
All money donated helps children in the developing world through a charity Chris and Katherine helped set up many years ago: 
What if the course of an entire book was decided by rolling a ten sided die?
