Dear Mum and Dad,
However, it turns out your straggly little fox-coyote has infiltrated our house with a small plague of fleas.
Our dogs sent their thanks, and request you shave the little minx, and dip her, by her tail, into a vat of sulphuric acid.
We have meanwhile burnt all the soft furnishings of our home, along with all clothing and bedding, and are currently lying naked in front of the fire, scratching ourselves furiously.
Chris and Katherine